I Could Never Be Ready
by PortalPanda
Summary: Contains spoilers for the Steven Universe: Wanted special. Greg has always known the risks of letting Steven live with the gems, but he could never be ready for this. SU angst.
1. A Matter of Time

Steven has always wanted to be a Crystal Gem.

From the time he was old enough to crawl he loved the Gems, he looked up to them and wanted to be just like them. He wanted to learn how to use his powers, how to control them, because he had amazing capabilities and he wanted to use them to help people. Greg couldn't say no to that.

But he knew the risks.

Gem missions were dangerous. They fought everything from mutants to monsters to other Gems. They explored ancient crumbling ruins, places built by Gems and not designed for humans. The Crystal Gems were highly trained warriors with thousands of years of experience fighting, and even they made mistakes. Even they got injured badly enough that they had to regenerate.

But they didn't know if Steven could regenerate.

All the other Gems did it- Rose had even had to regenerate a handful of times in the many years they'd been together- but Steven was half human. If he got hurt badly enough there was no guarantee he would come back. And even if Steven was capable of regeneration, like so many of his other gem powers, he might not know how to regenerate without someone there to explain it to him.

One thing that had always been a comfort to Greg was that fact that Steven's weapon was a shield. As he gained more and more control over his abilities, summoning his shield or a bubble became almost reflexive to Steven, especially in dangerous situations. More often than not that keep him safe.

But Crystal Gem or no, Steven was still a kid. He was still human, and he still made mistakes.

So on some level, Greg had always expected this day to come. The day when the Gems approach him with tears in their eyes as they avoid meeting his, Steven nowhere in sight. What he doesn't expect is that, when that day comes, there isn't a Rose Quartz gem cradled in their hands, because Steven hasn't been poofed.

He's been abducted.

In an attempt to save his friends, Steven has told Homeworld Gems- direct servants of the Diamonds- that he is Rose Quartz.

And they believed him.

What Greg doesn't expect is that, when that day comes, the days that follow are not filled with anxious uncertainty, waiting, hoping that _somehow_ Steven will come back, will be okay. They are far worse. They are filled with _hopelessness_ and bleak certainty _, knowing_ that Steven, his fourteen year old son, is going to be tortured and killed on the other side of the universe, and there's nothing Greg or any of the Gems can do to stop it from happening.


	2. I Could Never Be Ready

The warp pad behind Greg activates with a chime as Garnet leaves him alone in the Temple.

Even though he knows the futility of what they're trying to do, (trying to make an ancient spaceship function well enough to fly to the other side of the universe and somehow scour an entire planet in time to find and save his son) he wants to help. But it's been over a day since Steven… left… and the Gems want him to take a break.

The house is completely silent. Steven isn't there sitting on the couch chatting with the Gems. He's not in the kitchen making himself a snack. He isn't playing video games or watching TV in his room. The sound of his singing, his laughter, his _voice_ , cannot be heard.

Greg takes a step forward and everything that's happened hits him like a truck.

His son is gone. Steven is gone.

 _Steven._

The silence of the house is broken by a wail of pure agony. Of course Greg had _panicked_ when the Gems told him what had happened, but they had dragged him along on a harebrained scheme to repair the dropship immediately after and he'd been running on blind adrenalin ever since. He hasn't had time to think, or process, or feel- time is something they're running dangerously low on. But now he's in the house he and the Gems built for Steven, and Steven isn't here- may never be here again- and suddenly he's drowning in emotions: he's sad, and angry, and scared, and _it hurts so much_ \- _everything hurts._ He's crying, and panicking, and he can't breathe. Greg has never felt so helpless in his life.

Pointing fingers isn't going to help anything. The Gems are a wreck just like him, they all blame themselves for what happened, and maybe part of Greg does, too. It was their job to protect Steven. They had _promised_ to protect Steven. But they could only do so much if Steven didn't _want_ to be protected, and that was really what it boiled down to: Steven had made a choice up on that ship, and no one could stop him from choosing.

The only thing Greg could really blame the Gems for was pressuring Steven to be too much like Rose.

 _Rose._

Greg freezes mid sob, something inside of him turning to ice as he looks up at her smiling portrait.

His girlfriend being an alien made of pure light was a-okay because they loved each other and they worked through their differences. When he found out that Rose would have to give up her physical form to have Steven, it was hard, but in the long run that was okay, too, because it was what she wanted and he would still have a piece of her in his life- their amazing kid who he loved more than anything in the world.

Greg has always been a glass half full kind of guy. He _always_ looks on the bright side. He takes _everything_ in stride.

But there is no bright side to a life without Steven, and he's gone because of her. Because their son was _too good_ and she _wasn't_ as good as he thought- because she left behind a deadly mess and Steven felt obligated to clean it up.

Heat catches in his throat and something inside of Greg snaps.

"This is _your_ fault!" He chokes through the tears, his hands balling into fists as he glares up at Rose's portrait. "You _left_ , and then you took him, too!"

His outburst rings through the otherwise empty house, and somehow that makes him feel worse.

But it also reminds him of why he's there, and after that Greg tries to calm down.

He drinks a glass of water. He makes himself a sandwich and forces himself to eat it- for Steven- because he knows that Steven would want him to take care of himself if he were here. Making himself sick isn't going to fix anything.

Greg finishes the shoddy meal and plods up the stairs. Tears streak down his face as he reaches the top, and he swallows hard as he looks around.

Steven's room is exactly how he left it.

It's neat but small: the shelves behind the bed are packed with books and toys and photos, the windowsill is covered in action figures, a row of stuffed animals is lined up neatly at the foot of the bed, and the nightstand beside it holds a cookie cat alarm clock, and- Greg gives a weak laugh through the tears- the roll of duct tape he gave Steven after accidentally messing with his powers so long ago.

Greg collapses on the bed ( _which still smells like Steven)_ , surrounded by blaringly painful reminders that Steven is still a kid, a _fourteen year old kid_ who's going to be _killed_ as punishment for a crime that he wasn't even alive to see.

Steven's ukulele sits against the wall, and Greg picks it up with shaking hands. He remembers teaching Steven to play back when the instrument was bigger than him. He remembers being overwhelmed with love and pride as Steven sat at the edge of the van and played his first chord, his eyes turning starry as he beamed up at him with a near toothless grin. He's grown so much over the years but he's always kept the ukulele close at hand- he's never lost his love for music, and he's written plenty of it throughout his adventures with the Gems. Greg swears he can almost hear Steven's voice as he cradles the instrument to his chest.

 _We, are the Crystal Gems…_

 _He's a frozen treat with an all new taste, cause he came to this planet from outer space…_

 _Oh I know it'll be great and I just can't wait to see the person you are together..._

 _I want to inspire you… I want to be your rock and when I talk it lights a fire in you…_

 _Steven and the Crystal Gems, we're gonna make you smile..._

 _Dear old Dad, remember when…_

 _Let yourself just be whoever you are…_

 _It's time to get moving, time for us to have some fun, there's no time to hang around, our adventures just begun…_

 _Lapis Lazuli… you were so mad but then you came around to me…_

 _Ingredients in harmony, we mix together perfectly…_

 _Everybody told me Gem stuffs dangerous… I guess I didn't believe them… You don't need this… You don't need me…_

 _Life and death, and love and birth, and peace and war on the planet Earth…_

 _We've had some good times, and some pretty bad luck… but we're still in this together and we're still not giving up…_

 _What do I do with all this money, when the only thing I want is you?_

As Greg lies there he makes a mental list of everything he has, from his millions of dollars, to his van, to the car wash, to his guitar, and he silently offers it all to the universe- to whoever may be listening- in exchange for his son back. For all he cares everything else can drop off the face of the Earth- he only needs Steven.

He takes a deep breath as one last song drifts through his head.

 _You both love me and I love both of you…_

Greg tentatively looks back up at the painting of Rose.

He swallows.

"If you're listening… keep him safe. Please." Tears streak down his face as his voice catches somewhere in his throat. "Bring him back."


	3. The Return

Steven is back.

Greg doesn't know how- all he knows is that one minute the Gems have warped he and Connie back to the Temple, and there's no hope of ever seeing his son again, and Pearl is having a meltdown, and the next thing he knows Steven is standing in the middle of the living room, smiling up at them.

Tears spring to his eyes, and the wave of relief Greg feels is so intense that at the sight of his son he has to physically hold his heart in place- it feels as though it's going leap out of his chest. He runs to Steven with a speed he hasn't possessed in twenty years, past Connie, past the Gems, and envelopes him in a hug. Everything's a blur of laughter and emotion and tears.

There are heartfelt cries of " _Steven!"_ and " _Dad!,"_ and then his son is safe in his arms, warm and _alive_ , and they're trapped in a massive group hug by Connie and the Gems, all of whom are laughing and crying and grasping at Steven as if they're afraid he's going to disappear, and that's really not a bad idea.

Greg tries in vain to hold Steven at arms length, and settles for burying his face in his hair as he laughs half hysterically.

"Oh my gosh! You're back! You're _here_! You're _okay!_ " Suddenly Greg's joy turns to fear. " _Wait!"_ Everyone in the room freezes with stunned shock as Greg somehow sweeps everyone to the side, everyone save for Steven, whom he scoops into the air with sudden concern. " _Are you okay?"_

" _Dad!"_

Steven gives a bit of an embarrassed protest as Greg lifts his shirt, examining his gem and patting him down to make sure he's all in one piece.

"Is your gem cracked? Are your bones broken? Do all your organs still work?"

Steven laughs as he tries to squirm away.

"I'm fine Dad! Really, I'm okay!"

"Thank stars!" Now that he knows Steven is alright it's back to hugging, and the others quickly join them. "I'm never letting you out of my sight ever again!" Everyone laughs through tears and holds Steven all the harder. "I'm gonna get you one of those backpacks with leashes attached so you can't wander off into anymore danger! And you are never leaving the surface of this planet ever again! You're not even allowed to jump! You've gotta have at least one foot on the ground at all times!" Steven nods as he buries his face in Greg's shirt. They're both crying, hard. "Don't you ever scare me like that again!"

There's at least another five minutes of hugging and crying and laughing before someone finally asks how Steven got there, and that's when everyone begins to calm down.

Once Steven is finally released he curls up next to Greg on the couch and gives them the short version of what happened(: He and Lars tried to escape the ship and failed, they were taken to trial, they escaped, a band of Homeworld gems hid them but they were found, they fought some robots, Lars got badly hurt, Steven healed him, and somehow that created a portal home through Lars' head. Steven promised to fill them in on the details in the morning, but for now all they really needed to know was that everyone was okay. That, and that they needed to find a way to get Lars and Off Color Gems off of Homeworld as soon as possible.). After that he eats a snack, takes a bathroom break, and spends about an hour on the phone talking with Sadie and Lars' parents, giving them a much shorter version of everything that's happened and assuring them that Lars is okay. After all that he's tired enough that he nearly walks into a wall, and that's when Greg decides it's time for bed.

Steven gives a bit of a whiny protest, but by the time Greg carries him up to bed and settles next to him, he's out like a light.

Greg is tired too- he hasn't gotten much sleep while Steven's been away- but he stays awake just a little longer. Connie and the Gems have all disappeared somewhere, and the house is completely silent save for the sound of Steven's gentle snoring. Greg holds him just a little bit closer as he smiles up at Rose's portrait through watery eyes.

"Thank you."

Steven smiles.


End file.
